


Courtship 101

by distractionpie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 5 Times, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, First Meetings, Karaoke, M/M, Misunderstandings, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22170673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distractionpie/pseuds/distractionpie
Summary: A.K.A five approaches Jean took to Eren, and how Eren finally got with the program.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager
Comments: 73
Kudos: 141





	1. A smooth introduction

Eren had known university parties would be intense, after all, unlike back home nobody here had to worry about cleaning the place up before their parents got back and found out what they’d been up to, but it’s still odd to find himself in a random kitchen surround by strangers and tossing ping pong balls into plastic cups laid out on desk that’s been dragged in from fuck knows where in a game he’s only ever seen played in the movies.

Which is not to say that he isn’t having a good time, just that he’s a little overwhelmed, so when a stranger barrels into him from behind, it’s a show of admirable restraint (as well as beer dulled reactions) that he doesn’t drop the guy on instinct.

Especially when the guy stays practically on top of him.

“What the fuck?”

“You’re doing it wrong,” the guy says, half shouting even though his mouth is inches from Eren’s ear and the music isn’t _that_ loud. “You’re gonna lose. Want me to help you?”

Eren rolls his eyes, twisting out of the rando’s grip. What kind of jackass was this guy, to take beer-pong so seriously? Either he partied way too hard or he was some anal never-been-invited-anywhere-cool-before type who didn’t realise that when it came to drinking games the focus really wasn’t on the finer points of technique.

“Here.” The guy reaches up to wrap long slim fingers around Eren’s bicep. “If you pull your arm back like this…”

“I’ve got it,” Eren huffs, throwing wildly in his frustration and promptly missing so badly he loses track of the ball entirely.

Well, fuck that. He steps away from the table, knowing a new player will take his place as soon as they see the gap, and turns on the guy who’s fucked up his game. Not that Eren was getting intensely competitive over beer pong.

Obnoxious guy follows.

“You were doing better than that before,” he says. “If you’d just—”

“Who the hell even are you?”

“Jean Kirschtein, law, from Trost,” the guy introduces himself, in the rote fashion of university students everywhere. “I’m in 3b, just down the hall.”

A law student? Eren grimaces. He’d been under the impression that legal and medical students pretty much self-segregated, tending towards the most expensive accommodation and hanging out in their specialist facilities, so he wouldn’t have to deal with any of the snobbery associated with those disciplines.

But fuck if he’s going to act ashamed. “Eren, sports science, Shiganshina,” he says.

“Oh, cool. What sports do you do?”

Yup. Total asshole. Talking as if sports science was just P.E but at university level.

“A few. Enough that I don’t need you correcting my throwing technique,” Eren points out and Jean scowls.

“Jeez, it’s beer pong not the olympics, proper sports technique hardly applies here,” he bitches, as if he hadn’t tried to boss Eren around about technique only moments previously.

“Look, Jean,” Eren begins.

“Hey, it’s cool, better luck next time right,” Jean says. “You need practise. We were gonna have a party tomorrow—”

“My game is fine. You need to—” Eren starts again, raising his voice now.

Mikasa catches his eye with a frown, clearly wondering who Eren’s new company way and probably worried he was going to get in a fight. Eren didn’t blame her; he was pretty sure he was radiating his annoyance with Jean to the whole room.

Jean clearly hadn’t noticed that, but he did spot the look. “Friend of yours?”

“She’s my sister.”

“Oh,” Jean says. “She’s pretty. I guess it runs in the family.”

Eren rolls his eyes. If Jean is angling for an introduction, he’s bang out of luck, and jokes about how one of them was obviously adopted were so pathetic that Eren had given up getting mad about them years ago. There was no point arguing with people that stupid. And the dig about his looks was even stupider. Eren had never been pretty-boy material, unlike Jean with his high cheekbones and rose-petal lips, but there were plenty of people who’d chose his fit and tan form over Jean’s narrow hips and long legs, so it wasn’t like Eren had anything to be insecure about.

“Yeah, so I’m gonna go talk to her,” Eren says, now he’s looking closer at Jean it’s pretty obvious from his flushed face and stupid remarks the guy is wasted, way more than is cool this early in the evening. “Why don’t you go find whatever friends you came with?” See, he can be nice, even to rude wasted idiots. Armin will be so proud when Eren tells him about this.

He moves to head in Mikasa’s direction, but Jean moves too, bringing them together in a splash of beer and whatever foul-smelling liquor is in Jean’s plastic cup.

“Oh shit,” Jean curses, as if their collision had been an accident and not the second time tonight, proving he’s either a careless asshole or a very sloppy drunk. “Here, let me…”

He grabs a tea towel from the counter, using it to dab at Eren’s shirt before Eren can point out he has no idea where that thing has been, and it could well be grosser than his spilt beer.

When he does say that, though, Jean just rolls his eyes.

“It’s freshers week,” he reminds Eren. “This thing is fresh out of Ikea just like pretty much every furnishing in this place.”

He’s probably right, but Eren doesn’t have to be happy about it. Especially since Jean mostly seems to be spreading the mess around, scrubbing the towel across Eren’s abdomen even though the spill doesn’t go that far down. He slaps Jean’s hands away and says, “Fuck this. I’m going back to my room.” At the very least to get a clean shirt, but probably to hide out until Jean decides to focus his drunken assholery on somebody else.

“Oh,” Jean frowns. “Okay, well, see you around.”

Eren hopes not.


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey, Eren, have you seen the new Recon movie yet?”

Eren looks up at Jean and wrinkles his nose. “No,” he says, and if he were a better person he’d have no plans on seeing it at all. As it is, he’s a sentimental fool who adored World Beyond Walls and had liked the first few sequels well enough so he’ll probably cave to getting Armin to illegally download him a copy at some point so he can watch with a mix of nostalgia and hate. But he’s not so weak that he’s going to pay real actual money to see it while it’s still in theatres. “Why do you care?” They’re sharing a corridor, but Jean hasn’t exactly been friendly to him in the few days they’ve known each other since Jean had drunkly barrelled into him at a party, so it seems odd that he would stop and chat.

“It’s playing tonight, and I have this coupon for two for one popcorn,” Jean says. “But I can’t eat that much by myself, so I was wondering if you wanted to catch the movie with me.”

“Seriously?”

“What?”

Damn. Jean’s nose has wrinkled and he’s frowning at Eren like he’s a particularly complex lecture slide. He actually means it. He’s planning on paying to go see the new movie and thinks he can sucker Eren into going with him. “Wow, you have shitty taste in movies, huh?”

“Huh?”

“I mean, ‘Recon Seven: the Reckoning’,” Eren rolls his eyes. “I’m surprised there are theatres even willing to show it: everyone knows it’s going to tank.”

“I… you have a signed poster of the second movie on your door,” Jean points out. “And you were wearing a scouting legion merch shirt the other day.”

“Yeah,” Eren says. “From the Search for the Ocean era. Not all the post-retcon garbage.”

“There’s a difference?”

What the fuck? He’s pretty sure the only people still interested in the Recon series after the mess of the last movie are the true die hard fans, and if Jean was one of those he’d already know that any fan with taste ignored the canon after the Humanity’s Rebirth movie. “As far as I’m concerned, the series stopped on an unfortunate cliffhanger after the fourth one.”

“They’re that bad?”

“No shit, the new one is supposed to be a total mess,” Eren explains. Honestly, who doesn’t know that franchise started going downhill after the third movie and imploded around number five? “How could it not be when it’s nothing but a total cash-grab. I mean they killed off their main character in the trailer via cutting room floor footage from an earlier movie because they couldn’t get Levi Ackerman to sign a new contact after how stupid the last plot was, so they have to shove this new guy on us and they think fans will actually fall for that.”

“Oh.” Jean shoves his hands into his pockets with a downcast look. “So you don’t want to go with me?”

Eren scoffs. “Not if a nuclear bomb were dropping and that cinema were the only fallout shelter in the city.” Jean’s shoulders slump further, which Eren wouldn't have guessed was possible. God, had he really wanted company for his shitty movie watching that badly? “I’m sure there’s somebody here you can trick into wasting two hours of their lives on that crap,” Eren offers, because Jean’s dejected look is truly pitiful. He’s probably one of those people that refuses to see a movie on their own because they're worried somebody will see them there and think they’re a loser with nobody to go with. It would explain why he’s asking Eren of all people, although he’s deluding himself if he thinks this is gonna make him look like he isn’t a loser. “Sasha would probably go see literally anything with you if you tell her there’s free popcorn.”

Jean doesn't look nearly as appreciative as he should be of Eren's helpful suggestion as he turns and walks away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🤦


	3. Chapter 3

Eren is beginning to suspect he’s cursed.

His classes are going fine (even if they are still in the syllabus and intros stage of the course right now), he hasn’t blown his whole student loan in the first few days of term.

But it seems like he can’t go twenty-four hours without running into goddamn Jean Kirschtein.

He doesn’t understand it. There’s no overlap in their classes, first-year classes seem to get the leftover rooms rather than subject specific ones but Eren doesn’t even have anything on the side of campus where the law building is; and they have different friends because Eren’s brought his from home, even if being in the same accommodation means that there’s a lot of overlap in their new acquaintances; they must go to different stores because Eren’s budget is heavily dependent on taking the discount option for everything and he’s pretty sure that Jean’s jacket is real leather.

Yet Jean is everywhere.

All the time.

“Hey Eren,” the blond says, falling into step beside him as he crosses the street. "You look like you could use a hand.”

Which is bullshit. Eren might not be the biggest guy in the world and he’s missed a few gym hours over the past few weeks with the chaos of moving to new city, but he’s definitely stronger that Jean who if Eren were feeling generous could be described as having a runners build, all long-sleek limbs and wiry muscle visible beneath the rolled-up sleeves of his shirt.

But since Jean just insulted Eren, he yanks the boxes out of Jean's reach and goes with, “Not from a lanky fuck like you, I don’t.”

Jean’s jaw drops.

Then he laughs.

“Jeez, you’re kind of a sarky bastard aren’t you?”

Uh. No. What part of Eren’s statement does he think was sarcastic?

“Anyway, where are you headed?”

As if Eren is going to tell him. Why is Jean even walking with him if he doesn’t know where Eren is going? Argh! He might be the most maddening person Eren has ever met.

“Dropping this shit off,” Eren says, jerking the box in his arms. Hopefully Jean will take the shitty answer as a cue to fuck off, because Eren is really too busy for Jean’s bullshit right now. He’s pretty sure that when he offered to move all the equipment from the storage locker it had been in all summer to the gym the captain of the fencing team had assumed Eren had a car. He doesn’t, but he does want to make a good impression and he knows only a lucky handful of first years will make the team so it doesn’t hurt to show commitment, even if that means making a dozen trips carrying the gear in his arms.

The cross the street and when they reach the other side, Jean sidesteps around him, almost tripping Eren in the process, to walk street-side.

What a weirdo.

Jean is talking, going on about how his first week of classes was, as if there’s anything more to them than intros, and Eren is trying to figure out how to ditch him without making too big of a diversion when he feels something on his nose.

Oh fuck.

A second drop of rain falls, spreading in a dark stain across the cardboard.

This is not good.

Eren still has half a dozen boxes to go. He’d planned to make three more trips, he could probably squeeze it down to two by piling the boxes high, but then he risks straining something which will definitely not help his efforts to make the team. But if the rain gets worse the boxes would become weak with water and he’d have a real problem on his hands.

“Hang on, I have an umbrella,” Jean says, because of course he’s the kind of pretentious jerk who’d carry one around with him just in case. He probably can’t stand to get his perfect hair wet or mussed by pulling a hood over it. “I can walk with you, so that your stuff stays dry.”

Eren glances up at the sky. It’s been cloudy all day, but it’s only spitting lightly at the minute and he only has a few boxes left to go. He can probably make it if he’s fast and the rain doesn’t get worse. “I’ll be fine,” he says.

Jean pauses, from stopping halfway through pulling the umbrella out from the folds of his jacket (and how skinny is he, to be hiding that in there without it ruining the lines?). “Are you sure?” he says. “The forecast looks bad.”

“I’ll trust my own eyes over some shitty meteorologists,” Eren says. “Don’t you have anywhere else to be?”

“I’m headed to the gym,” Jean says.

Oh.

Great.


	4. Chapter 4

Eren wishes he could say he didn’t know how he got talked into this.

The truth is though, that for all his boisterous personality, Mikasa is the strength and Armin the brains of their little trio and more often than not he finds himself following their lead in spite of himself.

Still, he doesn’t think they’ve ever led him into something as ridiculous as this before.

He’s not sure why they’d taken to hanging out with Jean, of all people, since he mostly seems like a prick. Sure he and Armin seem to have done some weird nerd bonding while Eren and Mikasa were signing up for sporting societies, so Eren suspects they’re going to be stuck in the same social circle from here on in, but that still doesn’t seem like it requires a group outing. But Armin thinks otherwise, no doubt hoping for peace and harmony among his friends. So while Eren is certain that he’s going to be disappointed, when Jean had asked Eren to lunch he’d passed on the invite and he’s even taken a shower and withdrawn some cash to pay for himself, because going and making nice and watching as Jean inevitably slips up and reveal to Armin what an asshole he can be is the best way to put a stop to the way Armin seems to be trying to incorporate Jean into their lives.

The restaurant they’re at seems like a weird place to hang out. One of the things Eren has most been looking forward to about university is getting to take advantage of the student discounts offered by most big chains, but this place is tiny and if they offer any discounts they certainly aren’t advertising them.

Honestly, it doesn’t seem like a student-y place at all, too small and intimate with candles on the tables and no self promotion pasted on the walls. How did Jean even find this place? He’s as much a newcomer to the city as any of them, but this seems like somewhere locals might go.

It smells fucking amazing though, so Eren’s willing to go along with it.

He’s seated next to Mikasa and opposite Jean. It seems like an odd configuration, Armin, the only one who actually likes Jean, taking the seat diagonal from him, but maybe he’s trying to force the others to bond. Not that it’s getting him anywhere. Mikasa seems content to ignore Jean entirely and the only thing Eren cares about right now is the fact he has the most delicious lasagna that’s ever graced the earth in front of him. He might have moaned a little when he first took a bite. He’s definitely made a mess with the sauce, because Mikasa keeps shooting him sidelong glances and edging her napkin in his direction, as if Eren’s going to let his intimate relationship with the dish be interrupted to wipe his face.

Armin and Jean are talking about some literature seminar they’re in together, which is how they’ve hit it off. Eren’s not sure why a law student is in a literature classes. He’d guess that Jean was looking to take all easy courses where he has the choice, but no way would Armin pick something that it would be possible to coast through. Jean keeps trying to drag Eren into the conversation too, even though he’s not in their class and honestly the only reason Eren made decent grades in English in the first place is because Armin would read the books and then tell him what they were about.

Fortunately Mikasa, who has always been more of a maths type, is willing to talk to Eren about how his search for a part time job is going, but then Jean tries to butt his way into that as well, even though he openly admits he’s not planning on working because his mum is topping up his loans.

And it gets even worse when the meal is over and the bill arrives.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jean says, when Eren grabs it to take a look. “I’ve got this.”

“No, it’s fine.” Eren’s cutlery rattles with how hard he slams his wallet down on the table, but there’s no way he’s letting Jean treat him like some sort of charity case. Sure, Jean has nice clothes and is studying a posh subject, but that doesn’t make him better that Eren.

“I invited you,” Jean says, as if that means he’s the boss of this outing or something.

Eren looks imploringly at Armin and Mikasa, who both avoid his gaze. It’s not that Eren doesn’t understand the temptation of a free lunch, but he thought they had more pride than that.

“I need to check the bus schedule,” Armin says. “And there’s no internet signal in here. You two can sort this out between yourself while I step outside, right?”

“I’ll join him,” Mikasa says.

And then it’s just Eren and Jean left in a face off.

“If you really want to split the bill, that’s fine,” Jean says. “Or even, you could cover it this time and I’ll take next time.”

As if Eren is going to suffer through another of these outings. No way is he going to put himself in a position of owing Jean a lunch or having Jean owe him.

“We pay for ourselves,” Eren says, waving their server down and explaining that they’re splitting the bill.

The waitress smiles at him. “The couple you were with have already paid,” she says. “And I’ve comped your drinks. It’s so nice to see students doing things the old-fashioned way. None of this hooking up nonsense.” She shakes her head with a disapproving sigh, and as she walks away Eren can’t hold back his laughter anymore.

“Holy crap, I can’t believe she thought Armin and Mikasa were together,” he snickers. Despite their closeness they’ve never really had that before, everybody back home was used to their little trio. But maybe it was because they weren’t a trio anymore. “Oh god,” he adds, with sudden horror. “Maybe she thought we were on a double date.”

It would make an absurd sort of sense. As a trio, he, Armin, and Mikasa were obviously friends, but the waitress has seen the four of them and mentally paired them off. Which, why put him with Jean? Rude. Sure, Mikasa is his sister even if most people don’t guess that, and he’s known Armin so long he’s basically a brother, but… Jean?!

“Ha. Us. Dating. Hilarious.” Jean’s got kind of a weird laugh, flat and awkward, like he isn’t used to doing it and is just copying what he’s heard from others. It sounds stupid.

And hilarious? It’s awful. What kind of crazy person would think…? Sure, Jean is kind of hot in a Hollywood-douchebag way, like the rich ex-boyfriend they try and play as a legitimate romantic rival even though everybody watching knows that the leading lady is gonna end up with the nice guy not the asshole she already broke up with once. But god, does Eren look like he has that bad taste? Though Eren supposes the waitress has no way of knowing what an asshole Jean is, since he hadn’t been rude to her, clearly determined to make a better impression here than he had on meeting Eren, as if Eren is going to let his friends get suckered in by that bullshit.

Dropping a few bills on the table, Eren decides he’s done. He’s played nice, Armin has had ample opportunity to realise how awful Jean is, it’s time to give this up as a loss.

“See you around,” he says, automatically, as he stands. He seriously hopes he doesn’t though.


	5. Chapter 5

If there’s one thing Eren is really getting into above living away from home, it’s the culture.

Shiganshina had bars and some of those bars hosted events but it had been too small of a town for a dedicated karaoke place.

But now he’s in a student neighbourhood there are two within walking distance and the residents of his corridor have gone out en masse and taken over the smaller of the clubs.

He’s not sure who’s paying because he hasn’t opened his wallet all night but the drinks keep flowing and a good time is being had by everyone. Christa of all people is head-banging her way through the strangest Bon Jovi cover Eren has ever witness, and strange still, nailing it with an earnestness that more than makes up for the fact her voice doesn’t suit the song at all.

Unfortunately, as if summoned by his happiness, Jean staggers out of the crowd and over to his table.

“Eren,” he slurs. “Eren, Eren, you’re here.”

Well, it’s no wonder he got onto a law course with brains like that. Rather than standing or taking a seat, he drops an arm around Eren’s shoulders and leaning in until he’s practically nuzzling Eren’s hair, which he is going to be so embarrassed about later, if he remembers it at all. Jean has definitely been pre-gaming this outing.

“Jean, what the fuck?”

“I want you—” Jean starts, way too close to Eren’s ear, then frowns as if the rest of the sentence is proving evasive.

Oh geez. A favour. What could Jean possibly want from him? Money seems unlikely, since Jean has plenty of cash to flash around. Something to do with their mutual acquaintances?

Jean’s mouth is moving again but…

“I can’t hear you,” Eren hollers back, though he doubts he wants to hear whatever it is Jean has to say. Something obnoxious no doubt.

“—you should know—”

The end of his sentence is lost again in the ruckus from the stage. Fortunately Daz’s brief attempt at scream singing his way through a Whitney Houston track is quickly cut short as Marco gives up on trying to coax him from the stage and resorts to bodily dragging him, though Daz appears on the verge of tears as the microphone hits the stage with a shriek of feedback that nevertheless manages to be a significant improvement on Daz’s vocals.

“Fuck it!” Jean yells, suddenly too loud now there’s no singing to drown out his words. He shoves away from Eren’s table and up to the stage, cutting off Mina who is next in line but backs off as soon as he approaches.

Jean presses a few keys on the console and a moment later [familiar opening notes play from the speakers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJs_L7yq5qE&feature=youtu.be&t=10) as he struts across the stage and grabs the microphone.

_“I want you to want me—”_

He throws himself into the song with surprising gusto, clearly too drunk to be self-conscious. He moves to the beat with confidence and knows the song well enough not to need to follow the words on screen. That’s hardly impressive since it’s a fairly simple song, but Jean takes advantage of that fact to keep catching Eren’s eye as he works his way through the first verse, hitting intermittent notes in a manner that suggested he probably had a decent voice when he wasn't drunkenly slurring his way through the song. It’s obviously a dare and if Jean thinks Eren is going to back down from the challenge he has another thing coming. He’s already got three songs planned, though unlike Jean he has friends willing to get up there and embarrass themselves with him rather than going it solo and he’s got the manners to wait his turn.

Though, it seems like a weird choice of song for Jean to goad him with, there has to be better things in the bar’s catalogue, though maybe Jean hadn’t thought about the lyrics or the title, just picked based on his own vocal range. And it wouldn’t be a surprise if he hasn’t seen 10 Things I Hate About You; after all, he had already been upfront about his shitty taste in movies.

With a final croon of, “ _I'm beggin' you to beg me_ _…”_ he returns the microphone to the stand, but instead of heading off to find somebody who actually wants his presence, he heads right back to Eren, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, pretty much collapsing onto him. He’s a surprisingly heavy guy. Not that Eren isn’t fit enough to handle it; he could probably pick Jean up if he tried. Jean seems like the sort who would pitch a fit at the attempt though, which is a shame because that might be pretty funny.

“So?” he half hollers.

This close it’s hard for Eren’s eyes to focus, leaving him taking in Jean’s face in flashes: slack lips, flushed cheeks, whiskey gold eyes glazed with intoxication.

“You’re shitfaced, aren’t you?” Eren says. Everybody here is drunk, it is karaoke, but Jean seems seriously out of it.

And then Jean head-buts him.

It’s not even a clean hit, he basically mashes his face against Eren’s, but it’s still enough that Eren’s fighting instincts kick in, fists flying up.

They scrabble at each other for a few seconds, but Eren definitely has the advantage of (relative) sobriety, and it’s only a matter of moments before he had Jean pinned against the wall.

“What the fuck was that for?” Eren hisses. Any other day, he’d punch Jean, but the look of dazed surprise on Jean’s face holds him back.

Jean blinks at him for a few moments, Eren can practically see the processing going on behind his eyes, and then,

“I’m trying, m’kay,” Jean mutters, then hums a few off-key bars that Eren recognises as Mr Brightside.

A…

Holy shit, Jean has definitely overdone it.

His head is lolling forward, Eren is pretty sure he’s the main thing keeping Jean upright right now, and whatever that weird bit of contact was it might well have been the product of Jean being too trashed to know what he was doing with any of his limbs. He’s definitely looking more than a little green as he squints at Eren in the dim light of the bar.

Eren glances around, trying to work out who here is friends with Jean and might be responsible enough to take on the burden on making sure he actually gets home. Marco has already laid claim to the role of designated responsible friend for their hall but he still seems firmly preoccupied by Daz, who is now vomiting and crying and is definitely never getting invited anywhere again.

Who else does Jean hang around with?

Connie and Sasha, but Eren’s not sure about trusting them with Jean when he’s clearly past the point of all reason. They’re more ‘draw dicks on his face’ than ‘do actual harm’ kind of troublemakers, it’s just that he suspects they’d accidentally leave Jean in a ditch at the first sight of something shiny.

Christa seems like a care-taking type, but she’s nowhere to be seen. Honestly, there’s nobody who gives him the impression that they’re up to the job, and nobody he particularly dislikes enough to inflict a drunken and possibly aggressive Jean on.

“You are the worst,” he grumbles, dragging one of Jean’s arms over his shoulders.

“Wha—?”

“I’m taking you home,” Eren says and Jean makes a strange choked noise. It’s going to ruin the night, but even Eren has to admit it would be worse to wake up to police in the dorm investigating how Jean had turned up choked on his own tongue or attacked by somebody who wanted to steal his stupid shiny watch. An investigation would definitely eat into his schedule, and he’s not sure there’s any validity to the claim that you get an automatic pass if somebody in your hall dies.

Guess he won’t be finding out this time.


	6. Chapter 6

It’s late afternoon as they wind their way down the stairs out of the science building. The lifts are crammed with first years who haven’t yet learned that they’ll make themselves late waiting in line to squeeze their way in.

Eren can’t quite believe two years ago he was one of them.

Though as he sees a pair of them making out against the wall by the fire escape, he’s certain he was never that stupid.

“Ten says they accidentally hit the bar to open the door and force a building evacuation,” he says, pitching his voice so the subjects of his speculation won’t hear. Partly not to taint the bet but also because he doesn’t actually want to ruin their fun. He might never have been that cringy, but he does remember what it was like to be eighteen and suddenly free to act on all your stupid urges, although most of his bad decisions had been of a variety other than horny.

“No bet,” Sasha says. “Smokers deactivated the alarm on that one long before we started here.”

“Don’t pretend you don’t find all the young love cute, just because there’s always a few that get carried away at not having hall monitors,” Connie adds. “At least it’s not as second-hand embarrassing as Jean's freshers-week crush on Eren.”

Goddamn-it. Every time Eren swears he’s never going to put himself through the discomfort and embarrassment of snorting coffee out through his nose again, but once again he’s failed. At least it’s from his flask so it’s only warm rather than painfully hot. “Excuse me?!”

Connie rolls his eyes. “C’mon man, it was years ago, you don't need to keep playing dumb.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Eren loves the gossip about who had sparks fly from the very first meeting, even though the stories tend to be less love at first sight and more ill-advised attraction that fizzled out once they got to know each other and realised their personalities were incompatible. He’s always thought it a shame there was none of that excitement within the group of friends he’d formed upon arriving at university, although on balance he’d always pick their solid closeness over the tension that drama could bring. Jean has been the one outlier, a part of their group sometimes but unpredictably distant and prickly, some secret romantic drama would be an excellent explanation for his behaviour but there’s one big hole in Connie’s theory and that is Jean would never crush on Eren. “Nothing happened between me and Jean during freshers.”

“Well, it carried on into the first few weeks of term,” Sasha says. “But you don’t need to be so literal.”

Connie laughs, but Armin cocks his head, looking at Eren with a slight frown.

“Wait, Eren… I don’t mean to insult you by asking this, but you were playing dumb, right?”

“Armin, I wouldn’t expect you of all people to carry on a stupid joke,” Eren complains. “When has Jean ever shown any sort of interest in me?”

All four of his friends are staring at him. Armin concerned, Mikasa annoyed, and Connie and Sasha a combination of amused and confused.

“You’re fucking with us, right?” Connie asks.

“He has to be,” Sasha says. “I mean, Jean was super obviously flirting right from very first party.”

The fuck?

“Were you experimenting with drugs during freshers?” Eren asks.

“He was all over you,” Sasha says, then put on a low voice, far growlier than Jean’s actual manner of speaking, to add, “‘Oh, Eren, how about I put my hands all over you so I can correct your beer pong technique’, ‘Oh Eren, I accidentally knocked into you and spilt your drink, let me feel up your torso before I get you another’, ‘Wow, Mikasa is so hot Eren, just like you’”

“You think that was flirting?” Eren scoffs. And Jean hadn’t offered to get him another drink. “I worry about you, Sasha. He was being a know-it-all asshole, that’s all..”

“Well, you certainly got him back for it when he asked you on a date and you blew him off and insulted his taste in movies,” Mikasa interrupts. “That time you told me about when he mentioned seeing all your Recon merchandise and figuring you’d be interested in the new release because he didn’t know all the fandom drama.”

“I…” Eren remembers the incident Mikasa was talking about, because he has a lot of feelings about the smouldering wreck the Recon franchise has become and the fact Jean had wanted to see that shitty movie in the cinema has always been one of points Eren thinks of when he’s remembering all the reasons why Jean is terrible. Though he never had figured out why Jean wanted to see it, since he wasn’t even a fan of the franchise. But if he’d been interested because Eren was interested… “To guess that was meant to be a date seems like a reach.”

But Mikasa is giving him the same looks she’s been giving Eren since they were little kids, the face she makes when she’s thinking about every single irresponsible or idiotic thing he’s ever done and concluding that he’s hopeless, even though it’s hardly fair to judge him now by the amount of times he was late for school or forgot his lunches when they were twelve. “He also asked you out to a nice restaurant and you invited me and Armin to come along.”

Ah. Eren stares at her, then looks to the others, none of whom are disputing her version of events. Like Eren was supposed to know the restaurant made it a romantic occasion and not just that Jean had fancy taste. And they’re all looking so sure of themselves that it’s hard to believe they could all be wrong. “So you knew, and you just let it happen like that?”

“No, of course not," Armin replies. "It would have been awkward not to go, and it wasn't our place to tell you about Jean’s feelings, but I did talk to him about being clearer with his intentions, only..."

Dread pools in Eren’s stomach. Exactly how many chances with Jean had he missed?

“What did I do?” he groans.

“It wasn’t so much that you did something,” Armin explains. “But after Jean pretty much threw himself at you at karaoke, well, it wasn’t subtle Eren, so it seemed pretty obvious you had to be ignoring his moves on purpose.”

“Okay, _that_ time I thought something was weird,” Eren admits, running his hands through his hair in frustration as he remembers the incident. But that something being flirting? Sure, Jean had been handsy and up in Eren’s business, trying to challenge him over the karaoke, but he’d also been ridiculously drunk, how could anybody have taken him seriously? Especially when the night had ended with him drunkenly flailing his face into Eren’s. Either way, an occasion best left forgotten. “But everyone knows what happens at karaoke stays karaoke.”

Armin shrugs, as if the rules of karaoke are insignificant. “If you say so, anyway I suppose you don’t need me to tell you he started avoiding you for a while after all. And he pretty mad at me for encouraging him too, although I don’t think anybody expected he’d so far as to try and kiss you.”

Eren gapes. Okay, some of those incidents might be open to interpretation but, “No. Now I know you’re talking bullshit, I would definitely remember that.”

“That’s what he told me happened,” Armin says. “It seems like it would be a strange thing to lie about.”

“Well it would be a strange thing for me to lie about too,” Eren points out. As if he wouldn’t remember kissing Jean. “Whatever, he said, I know what happened, and he didn’t—”

“Hold up, he definitely did,” Connie cuts in. “We both saw that, right Sash?”

Sasha nods. “It was just after he got off stage from singing to you. You pushed him away and it turned into a fight, but that doesn’t change the fact he tried.”

“Do you mean when he head-butted me?!”

“Well… he was wasted,” Sasha says. “But c’mon Eren? Does a really weak head-butt honestly seem more likely to you than a poorly-executed kiss?”

Yes! Or at least it had until a few moments ago. What the hell? It’s hard to say they’re wrong when all those incidents put together do paint a confusing picture, Eren had just never arranged them that way in his mind before, but… “I still don’t understand why you would all let me go around thinking Jean acted like a weird asshole because he had a problem with me if he actually liked me and you all knew it.” If somebody had just explained…

“Well, you’ve never seemed into him,” Connie says. “Wouldn’t it have just been weird if somebody had said something?”

“Why would I not be into Jean?” Eren implores. His terrible personality has got a lot more tolerable over the years and honestly, even if it hadn’t, “Have you seen Jean?”

“Lanky, horse-faced Jean?” Sasha confirms. “The same guy you went on a ten-minute rant about his stupid overly-styled hair and his ridiculous hipster scarves last week?”

“Exactly!” God, the things Eren could do with Jean and those scarves. The things Eren could have been doing for the past two years if his stupid friends weren’t so unhelpful. “I can’t believe you’re telling me this whole time we could have been--? And none of you told me!”

“It wasn’t our business to share,” Armin points out.

“And there hasn’t been anything to tell for a while,” Sasha adds, like she’s trying to comfort him. “After all that, Jean pretty decisively gave up on you.”

“You guys are the worst friends!” Eren says. “I can’t believe I missed a shot like that.”

“Well…” Mikasa says slowly. “He’s not going to make a move on you after you turned him down so many times. But perhaps if you showed him your interest, you might be able to rekindle old feelings.”

“Do you know something?” he says, because Mikasa surely wouldn’t suggest something if she thought the outcome was likely to be Eren crashing and burning, but Mikasa shrugs so he shakes his head and turns on Armin. Out of all of them, Armin is the one most likely to have got into a serious feelings conversation with Jean.

“He’s never said anything to me,” Armin says.

Eren’s heart drops. To think, if their timing had only been a little better…

“But… uh… he knows I’m your best friend and he hasn’t trusted my opinion on romantic matters since I encouraged his early failed attempts with you,” Armin continues. “So I don’t think he would talk to be about something like that.”

That’s true. Honestly, who could Jean tell? Sasha and Connie can’t keep secrets, not if they’re exciting, and Armin and Mikasa know Eren from before university so their loyalties are clear. If he was going to talk, it would probably be to somebody like Marco, but that’s no use because there’s no way Marco would share confidential gossip with Eren.

He’s just going to have to take his chances.

“Guys, what class does Jean have now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which the penny does not so much drop as get a long overdue shove.


	7. Chapter 7

He finds Jean in the old courtyard, the one with the supposedly cursed grass that will cause students to fail if they step on it — a rumour started in a blatant bid to stop everybody using it as a shortcut and making tracks in the carefully manicured lawn.

Jean, arrogant bastard that he is, is walking right across the centre, and Eren refuses to be scared of any curse if Jean isn’t — anyway his grades are high enough that failing everything now would probably leave him with a passing average, so he hops the low fence to jog up behind Jean.

“Are you still attracted to me?”

“Jesus christ!” The stack of papers Jean is carrying fall to the ground in an explosive flurry as he spins on his heel, looking around blindly for several seconds before finally focusing Eren with a scowl. “What the fuck Eren?! Are you possessed?”

It’s not an ideal reaction.

But it does give him the opportunity to score some points.

He leans down to grab the papers, ready to show off his chivalry, but Jean ducks down and slaps his hands away, grabbing at the sheets himself. What the hell? It’s not like they’re pages of Jean’s very secret diary or something, the sheets that have landed face up are clearly textbook scans.

It’s not important, Eren decides. Or at least, not as important as the fact Jean has completely ignored his question.

“So?” he prompts. “Do you think I’m hot?”

Straightening up sharply, Jean glares down at him. “Have you lost your mind?”

“I asked first,” Eren points out, stepping closer. If Jean is ignoring the things he’s dropped then Eren will too. “Jean…”

Jean huffs, but Eren had to take introductory level general psychology class in order to qualify for the second year sports psychology seminars and he knows the signs of attraction: widening pupils; flushed cheeks; the way Jean’s gaze flickers down, stopping briefly on Eren’s mouth before dragging over his body, then snaps up, eyes darker than ever.

Oh yeah, Jean might be rolling his eyes but whatever had attracted him to dumbass first year Eren, Eren's still got it.

"Please?" he tries. Armin is always saying he'd get further in life by being polite and Jean and Armin are friends so it stands to reason they should share opinions.

"Am I attracted to you please?" Jean deadpans.

Eren shakes his head. "Still," he reminds Jean. Eren wouldn't be saying anything if he didn't have some grounds to believe it might be well received. "The others said that you—"

Oh shit.

Jean's face is thunderous as he abandons his papers entirely, spinning towards the road to Maria building - where their unsuspecting friends await.

Abort!

"I mean, I—" fuck, fuck, fuck. Apparently Jean had already been mad at Armin once for his failed attempts at romantic intercession, Armin will kill Eren if they end up fighting again because he gave Eren a tip off to make his move and Eren is blowing it.

"I can't believe they told you," Jean snarls.

Which confirms there’s something to tell. Eren sidesteps again and grabs Jean by the arms, far too excited to let Jean slip past him now. "So you did have a crush on me?"

“Did… What?” Jean’s anger falters for a moment.

“In first year,” Eren says. “Was all that…” He’s called it a lot of things over the years, but most of them are negative, and know he knows it wasn’t Jean’s intent to irritate him it feels wrong to call his botched flirtations pestering. “All that stuff and how you kept pushing your way into things, was it just you trying to get my attention?”

“You’re going to cover for them by pretending this is about first year?” Jean shakes his head. “No. Why would you be coming to me about something from that long ago which everyone knew.”

Everyone? Who is everyone? Obviously Jean must have known his own feelings. And Mikasa has learned about the situation from Eren’s complaints. And Armin was friends with Eren and Jean so of course he’d know. And Connie and Sasha have always been gossip hounds. But _everyone_ _…?_

“It’s news to me!”

Jean scowls. “You are not that much of a dumbass Eren.”

That might be the nicest thing Jean has ever said about him. And Eren can’t even enjoy it.

“I really am,” he explains. Refuting the compliment hurts, but it’s for the greater good. There’s no way Jean will give Eren a shot unless he can convince Jean that his past rejection was unintentional.

“I don’t believe you. There is no excuse for you not to have recognised what was going on: I threw myself at you,” Jean says. “Literally. It was pathetic and super obvious. But if you think I’m gonna make that mistake again—”

“It was pretty cute actually,” Eren corrects. “In retrospect I mean, now I know about it. Like, wow, you tried really hard. You totally hadn’t even seen the other Recon movies, had you? But you were still going to go just because you thought I’d be into it. I was way too much of a dipshit back then to be worth all that effort.”

“You’re still a dipshit,” Jean says, though his blush has spread all the way up to his ears and Eren is going to call Jean cute all the time if it garners such an adorable reaction. “And that was the past. If you think I’m gonna humiliate myself some more just because Armin has been gossiping—”

“Not Armin!” Eren isn’t going to let his best friend take the fall for this. It’s even mostly true. Connie and Sasha had spilled the beans, Armin just provided confirmation. “Armin wouldn’t tell your secrets.”

“Bad enough that I fell for the false encouragement the first time, but I’m not stupid enough to make that mistake again—”

Some of Jean’s papers have started blowing away across the lawn, but he’s too focused on complaining to notice. There’s some hope in how worked up he is though. Surely if it his crush was truly ancient history he’d just laugh if off instead of getting all defensive.

“They only talked about first year,” Eren tries to explain. “But I was hoping—”

“—think it’s funny to talk about everyone’s business, but if it were the other way around—”

Jean isn’t listening.

But he has to be pretty shallow to have persisted so long in the face of what from an outside perspective must have seemed like Eren reacting in the most dickish ways possible to Jean's weird attempts at flirting, so there has to be an opening there.

“—no call to be dragging up shit from years ago—”

It’s a mild afternoon. Eren pulls off his hoodie.

Jean falters in his rant.

Eren stuffs the hoodie into his bag, making a point of flexing in the process. After all, Jean deserves to know Eren’s seriously bulked up since first year.

Jean opens and shuts his mouth, totally failing to pick up his sentence.

Okay, Eren can work with this. Although he wishes he'd known years ago that there was such an easy way of shutting Jean up.

“It was Connie and Sasha talking about ridiculous shit first years get up to,” he explains, feeling no guilt about dropping them in it. They can handle Jean’s temper and he knows to expect that sort of thing from them, it’s not the betrayal Armin gossiping might seem. “And they really did think I already knew.”

“Well, duh. Who would believe that you didn’t get what was going on? Are you claiming you rejected me all those times by accident? How could you—” Jean pauses, catching his lip between his teeth and holy fuck Eren wants to be the one biting that lip, Eren could get to be the one biting that lip if only he plays his cards right. “Oh god,” Jean groans, eyes sliding shut and Eren’s stomach flips but Jean just leans back and says, “You actually are that stupid, aren’t you?”

“In my defence—”

Jean’s eyes snap open and Eren falters. Perhaps Jean could have been clearer, but laying the blame as his feet is not going to work in Eren’s favour.

“—I got hit in the head a lot as a kid before my parents adopted Mikasa and she scared all the bullies off.”

He’s never admitted that to anyone before, he likes his university friends to think he was always as kick-ass as he is now.

“Really?”

“Uh-huh. Also I played rugby all through school, I only dropped it after moving here because all of the guys on the university team are huge and Armin and Mikasa pointed out that if I got injured it would mess with all my other sports.”

“I can’t believe you’re seriously working the brain damage angle right now,” Jean mutters, but his anger has faded back into exasperation.

“I mean, I could say I was so dazzled by you that I lost my senses,” Eren offers. “But you’re not stupid so you’d probably realise that the reason I missed all your signals wasn’t just that I was blinded by your hotness. Not that I never noticed you were hot, like, in the sense that when you pissed me off I’d relieve the frustration by jacking off rather than punching a wall.”

“Neither of things are normal responses to anger.”

“They are for me,” Eren says. “Used to happen all the time in high school.”

“The—? No, I don’t want to know.” Jean screws up his face. “You have issues.”

“But you’re attracted to me in spite of that?” Eren chances. Jean is still here talking to him, so that has to count for something, right?”

“And I don’t even have brain damage as an excuse.”

Oh.

OH YEAH!

It’s not exactly romantic, as confessions go, but since Jean’s earlier attempts at being romantic had resulted in total disasters, Eren will take it.

“Great!” he says. “So, where do you want to go out? There’s this place with killer pasta—” wait, shit. Eren’s favourite place to treat himself is the too-posh but so addictive Italian restaurant Jean had asked him to lunch at all those years ago. Is it weird to ask Jean out to the same place? But the pasta…

Jean takes a huge step back, staring incredulously at Eren. “Who said anything about going out?”

Eren glares. “Oh no, don’t do this shit.” Over the years he’s relaxed his first impression of Jean from ultimate douchebag to only a douchebag some of the time and okay enough the rest that Eren can deal with his pretentious moments - but he can’t pick now to act like an argumentative asshole. “I think you’re hot, you think I’m hot, refusing a date just to spite me is only spiting yourself.”

Jean gives him a sceptical look. “You seriously want to go on a date?”

“Now who’s being dense?” Eren throws his hands up in the air. “I said that at least three times in the last five minutes.”

“Yeah, well, you also talked a lot of nonsense,” Jean complains. “C’mon, suddenly you think I’m hot, when you call me horse-faced all the time?”

“Because it’s like the only appearance-based insult that applies to you!” Eren says. Or at least the only one that’s relevant to Eren because Jean’s stupid long legs and ridiculous hipster hair kind of do things for him.

Jean’s mouth twists into a sulky pout. “You can’t just decide to go from insulting my appearance to calling me hot just because you heard I’m into you. Like you’re suddenly interested because you think you can use the fact I like you, or you just want an easy lay.”

“That’s not it!” Even if the conflict between them were legit, manipulating anybody like that would be a sleazy thing to do. And nothing about Jean has ever been easy. “I always thought you were hot, but I wasn’t going to let you know that when I didn’t realise you would be willing to acknowledge my hotness back!” It’s not his fault he thought Jean wanted to fight. If he’d known flirting was an option, he’d have been doing that, but he can’t change the past.

“Oh yeah?”

Jean’s back in his face now, using his slight height advantage to try and loom over Eren, but there’s a softness to the down-curve of his lips that is more apprehensive than aggressive.

“Yeah!” Eren says, throwing the last of his caution to the wind as he jerks his head up and goes in for a kiss. It’s a quick thing, a brush of lips and a bump of noses, barely even a preview of what Eren could offer, but hopefully making a move, putting his own dignity on the line instead of just matching the extent of Jean’s advances (because he refuses to count that headbutt as an attempt at a kiss, no matter what anyone claimed), will prove that he appreciates Jean as more than just an convenient ego boost. “So go on a stupid date with me, you know you want to!”

Either Jean is up for this, or he isn’t.

“If it’s stupid, you’re not getting a second date,” Jean snaps back, but the corners of his mouth are pulling up. “I don’t care how hot you are.”

Tough talk coming from a guy who’d asked Eren out to see triple Razzie winner Recon 7. But he’s smiling. Because of Eren. He’s gonna have to look out for flying pigs on the way home, but Eren grins back.

If Jean is willing to be won over, then Eren is going to charm the pants off of him.

Possibly literally.

Fuck yeah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read along, kudosed, and especially commented -- if Eren's antics have been even half as amusing for you as getting to read your reactions has been for me then I've done my work well.
> 
> Hopefully I'll see a few of those familiar names again for [EreJean week](https://erejeanweek.tumblr.com/post/190520731550/the-prompt-list-is-here-just-as-last-year-you) at the end of March :)
> 
> If you want to keep up with what I'm up to in the mean time I'm over on [tumblr](https://distractionpie.tumblr.com/), there's not much EJ on there now but I share prompt posts a few times a month so feel free to come change that or hit me up directly by finding me on discord @ distractionpie#9238


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